Poem on anxieties

Jackie's poem

From my bed where I lay
Thinking life was over
From the thoughts that came my way
Believing life was over
What demon had taken me
From a girl who loved life
To this empty shell
A scared, broken, mother and wife
Lying in silence
Watching and waiting
For the voices I thought
Would start in my head
Listening and waiting
Driving myself crazy
Oh God, no this is it
What is my mind creating?
I am now dead, I was inside
Nothing was real
Nothing felt mine
Numb without tears
Lifeless and fears
No love to give.
STOP this ringing in my ears
So fast came strange feelings
Terrifying panic
Is the sky falling down
This really is manic
Don’t want to be alone
I want to be alone
I’m feeling so so tragic
What must I do
What must I make happen
Searching for answers
So I can map them
Reasons for me
To know why I’m feeling
As weird as can be
This can’t just happen?
A racing mind, full
Of what ifs and maybes
This is too much
I must surely be crazy
My head is so full
So heavy and thick
My stomach, it churns cartwheels
I feel so so sick
Truth told, there really
Are no answers
You are here now
You have to be with your monsters
You have to go through
You will find your way
The best way out is through
At the end of the day
I thought I was crazy
Going mad, felt so unreal
These feelings I’ve met with
I can reveal
Will trick you and turn you
Until you think life has gone
But I want you to know that you can move on

Time
Little by little
Day by day
To bring you through
Do it anyway
That dreaded task
You just cannot do
Leads to another
Through and through
You just cannot do
So on, brave heart
A little at a time
And you will see that
You really can shine
It will take time
Step by step
Hour by hour
You will see yourself begin to flower
To face your fears
To go it alone
To see yourself through
Into the great unknown
That slight turn of thinking
No matter how small
Will lead you to greatness
No time left to mourn
To take that first step
For what you must do
Is believe in yourself
You really will come through
Your head hurts like hell
It’s swimming and giddy
Your eyes are all blurry
Shocks through your body
No one will know
It is what you’re going through
They’re not to know
No one will know
Unless they too, have been through
A day, you feel fine
Oh great this has gone
To be awoken next morn
To find, back it has come
A good day turns to two
And then to a few
And bang here it comes
Hits you out of the blue
Never lost heart
This is what must happen
To find inner peace, to grow and to strengthen
We’ll learn from these times
Hey, I felt so good then
So I know that I will
Find peace and happiness again
So your will grows stronger
A little day by day
You keep moving forward
It has to be this way
For now at least
Feelings come and go
They won’t last forever
I want you to know
Those days will serve me
I’ll never forget
How bad things were
But you know, I’ll never regret
What happened to me
What’s happening to you
May feel like it just came out of the blue
But when you recover, you truly will see
What lead you to this great anxiety
You’ll know and you’ll see
Believe me
Now on with my life
I am now going forward
But how grateful am I
That I had fallen
I truly believe, sometimes we have to break
So we can fix ourselves up
with knowledge, understanding – How Brave!
So if you’re feeling right now
How I did back then
I give you my heart
And again and again
Will say to you onward
To take the first step
Nothing will harm you, there’ll be no regret
You will be so glad that you kept
Trying and trying
And one of these days
Your heart will start flying
You will say to yourself
I’m glad I never gave in
I did what I feared
Again and again

So on, brave light
And be on your way
To do what you must
Day by day
The glimmer of hope
You see shining anew
You know you can do this
From one who came through